I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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