Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
