Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
3pm strippers are depressing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
