The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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