In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
