Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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