She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
