I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
