i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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