is your mom at the bar?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
