So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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