I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
