We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
