i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
