I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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