GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
