First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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