Dual....:-)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
