Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize