worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
