There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
