Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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