ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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