we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
