he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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