I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
