Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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