I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
