She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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