Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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