Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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