you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
