I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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