when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
