there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
