never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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