my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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