i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
