im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
