I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You are the jesus of drinking
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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