I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
