So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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