The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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