you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
