Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
