he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
