so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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