The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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