Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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