he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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