I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
