my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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