The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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