so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
