You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
