the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
