therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
