just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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