I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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