He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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