saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
