I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Couch. On fire.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
