I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
