You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Found the puke drawer
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
