i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
