We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
